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Category: Blogs

Beyond bravado: Learning more about sex

You are so hot!
That was amazing!
You know what to do!

But sometimes, we don’t feel so hot, or amazing, or that we know what we are doing…
As Pamela Stevenson-Connolly remarks, “Despite the commonly held myth that suggests the opposite, making love does not come easily and spontaneously. Rather it is something we have to…   Continue reading



It is believed that homo sapiens, the species of human being which we belong to, came into being around 100,000 years ago.  The Big Bang was 13.8 billion years ago. WIthout doing the math, there was a long long time when walking, talking, thinking breathing beings did not exist. Life first emerged as single-cell plants, and…   Continue reading

Masculine Bravado

Mention the word “sex” and many guys will brag about their
knowledge of tantra, sexual potency and conquests. We are
conditioned to be “in control” and “fix things”. It can be challenging
to be vulnerable, uncertain or inadequate. It’s time to get over
yourself and onto the path of healing & wholeness, fulfilment &…   Continue reading

Cock - Arousal - Orgasm Focus

We move from our furtive wank under the sheets, to adult erotic
experiences constellated around our cock, arousal and orgasm.
The rest of the body becomes an apparatus to facilitate these
functions. Once arousal happens, we often seek the shortest route
to acheive the goal of orgasmic release/relief.

Shame based sexual expression

Secretive Shame-based Erotic Emergence

Erections and wet-dreams should be part of our birthright and rites
of passage towards manhood. Our actual experience tends to be
constrained by a call for stealth, speed, and secrecy. This is where
we lay the foundations and develop the neural pathways which
shape the way we have sex.…   Continue reading

Religious Repressive Sex-Negative Culture

Roman & Greek cultures were significantly more sex-positive and
erotically expressive than the Judeo-Christian culture in which we
have been immersed. Whether you believe in these moral principles
or have found an alternative narrative, they remain a cornerstone of
our identity. It is important for each of us to explore how we may…   Continue reading

Relating Trance & Role

One of my teachers proposes that there are three aspects to our experiencing sex or erotic process.
1. Relating - e.g. looking lovingly in their eyes a la Kama Sutra
2. Trance - e.g. I just love that feeling when I got lost in my own process while we are having sex
3. Role - the hardest to get a handle on as it may be about more…   Continue reading

Pavini Moray on setting goals

Here’s a quote from Pavini Moray - check out their (note: gender neutral pronoun) website - especially free e-book, “Your Toolkit for Erotic Liberation”
“I’m sitting down today, and planning how I want 2015 to be for me erotically, and I remembered that I have a present for you! It is a tool to help you plan your erotic year.
Something…   Continue reading

Brain Plasticity and Better Sex

Brain plasticity is a big buzz-word at the moment - Worth looking at TED talk by Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight. However, my keylearning is ” what fires together, wires together” - so if yr early erotic experience of pleasure, was also associated with some fear, these somewhat opposing experiences can become wired, so…   Continue reading


I’ve been thinking about the extraordinary subtlety of experience that has us attracted to some folk, ambivalent about others, and somewhat irritated by some. And then over time the liked, can become tedious - those we had aversion to become more engaging and likeable - and some who were just around, step into our more intimate circle.…   Continue reading

Couples Sex

When couples suggest that it is normal for sex to fall back when your a couple, I think that they entered their intimacy with a culturally-ordained narrow vision of what sex is and it is that which loses its mojo. There is so much more to the curiosity and presence of erotic expression that is full-bodied, breath-oriented, and less…   Continue reading

Your Body is Precious

Here’s the challenge:
Most of us did not get much in the way of erotic mentoring…that gets even more complex when u have to navigate whatever it means to be gay. I found myself wondering what I would have liked someone to advise me - and maybe even now - consider the moral and ethical principles that I would like to have in my…   Continue reading

Turn Up Erotically

What does it mean to “turn up erotically”? For many of us, this means going through the same old posturing we shaped in our early erotic awakening, and hoping that it leads to a happy ending for all involved - but mainly ourselves. But what would it mean to be truly present - present to your own moment-by-moment changing landscape of…   Continue reading


Mindfulness is the buzz word for noticing what is happening in the body….breath….in…out - sensation here and there - tingling - itching - tension - heat - cool….and what is the impact of arousal on these matters?.....a glorious research project.

Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation or Sexual orienteering? What is fixed and what is mutable? I have found myself in workshop situations, in which I was erotically engaged with a woman, without feeling any threat to my general same-sex attraction and desires. I have seen straight men working with arousal with other straight men, without any…   Continue reading

Dominant Submissive

Here’s a tip: If you are generally the more dominant or submissive partner in sex and/or life - then…it could be good value to explore changing roles in some sexplay role play. This can want some coaching - but it can certainly spice up your sexplay as well as being liberating - physically, emotionally and spiritually.…   Continue reading

KAOS : Kock-Arousal-Orgasm-Sex

KAOS - Kock-Arousal-Orgasm-Sex. There is a cultural conditioning borne of a sex- negative attitude to our erotic process This has led to this minimalist goal-oriented approach to sexual expression. But there are strategies to step out of this chaotic rhythm. Breathwork, Touch, Awareness, Movement and Sound together with your willingness…   Continue reading

Control and Fixing Stuff

Men are hard-wired by our culture to want to BE IN CONTROL and FIX THINGS!. No wonder it is so hard to hang out with vulnerability ( being out of control) and Process ( the space between temporary resolution….) Vulnerability and Process are the landscape in which to unfold our sense of self, our relationship with others, and our…   Continue reading

Gone Fishing….

“Give a man a fish and he lives for a day - Teach him to fish and he lives forever.” Much erotic work gives folk a heightened erotic experience, which has its value in stepping outside the box, and being inspired by what is possible. My work helps those who want to help themselves. Develop practises which you can integrate into your own…   Continue reading

Brain Plasticity

Brain Plasticity tells us that “what fires together, wires together” - If our early erotic/sexual experiences may have included both excitation and arousal - and perhaps fear and/or shame - then these two elements can become foundational in our approach to sex. However, these neural pathways can be altered, adjusted and changed. There…   Continue reading

DeMystifying Tantra

DeMystifying Tantra:
When people think of Tantra, they often think of having sex with some hot dudes who takes them on an erotic journey that is “amazing”. While Tantra can invite us into amazing experience, my work focuses on teaching you the mechanisms by which you can navigate your own process in the direction of amazing. The…   Continue reading

Self Pleasure in the Shower

Self-pleasure in the shower. Many of us trained ourselves to approach our self-pleasuring with a minimum of movement, a minimum of sound, a minimum of sensation and a single goal in mind. We can never practise the nurturing stimulating act of touch too much. It will help our own well-being and the well-being of anyone else we happen to…   Continue reading

Straight & Curious Guys

A message for straight guys: When you seek to develop your erotic landscape within the context of your preferred and habitual related-style, there are strong narratives, roles and influence, which you are not be aware of. You may be aware of some - but never all. For many this includes a tendency to be more the “pleasure giver” than the…   Continue reading

Sexual Appetite

Jewish sage Maimonides said ” One shall not eat everything that the palate desires, like a dog or an ass.” This is also true for our sexual appetite. While there are many aspects to our erotic process, it is useful to develop a sense of deep erotic satisfaction and fulfilment within - so that our engagement with others is based on a…   Continue reading